The Trials of Merlin's Patience
by Rarely Written
Summary: How can you love a show if you don't make fun of it every once and a while? "Hey Merlin, what are you doing to the girl in the lake?" Crack fic
1. Interruptions

**Hello everyone.**

**Okay, so this was inspired by a conversation I had with my friend today. I honestly don't know what the point of it is, but I had fun. I hope you get a few laughs out of it, if nothing else. Well don't say I didn't warn you. Enjoy!**

Two people wrapped around each other were in the middle of a lake, the water around them rippling to mirror the desire of the couple. Ever since Merlin had found the spell to summon Freya from the water's depth, he had hardly left her side.

Arthur had grown worried about Merlin's continued absences, though he said nothing of it. However, under the ruse of a hunting trip, he tracked Merlin to a lake. Having finally found his manservant, and found him with a girl, all the worry left him. Merlin was in no danger and he had more tact than to announce his presence.

"Hey Merlin, what are you doing to the girl in the lake?"

_Apparently not._

"Go away Arthur!" Merlin called between kisses.

Arthur huffed, not happy with being dismissed. He was a King after all! And he had tracked Merlin a long way. All that wasted worry. When Merlin shifted in the water, wrongly assuming that Arthur had gone, said King couldn't help but giggle, "_Mer_lin, I can see your butt!"

"Arthur!"

Morgana broke through the trees, an evil plot hatching inside her head. Upon seeing the sight ahead of her, all thoughts flew from her mind. She joined her brother standing on the water's edge.

"Merlin, what are you doing to that girl in the lake?"

Freya practically growled, "The one time they aren't fighting?"

Merlin couldn't help but agree to her annoyance. Of all the things to unit them, it had to be disrupting his time with Freya?

"Morgana, what are you _doing _here?" Merlin asked.

"Looking for Emerys," Morgana explained, "Have you seen him?"

Freya crushed her lips back to Merlin's, she'd been dead and she wasn't wasting another moment. Besides, they'd get the hint soon enough. Merlin happily agreed to the new plan, kissing her back with the same ferociousness. Perhaps they would've, in time, but at that moment the sound of powerful wings in the air interrupted them. And these wings were accompanied by a voice.

"Merlin, what are you doing to that girl in the lake?"

"For the love of Camelot!" Merlin cried.

Wasn't it clear what he was doing? Or rather, what he was trying to do?

"Merlin, you can't do this. The other half of your coin is watching," The Great Dragon stated.

With a sigh Merlin asked, "Why does that matter?"

"Because he may or may not be in danger."

Meanwhile, Arthur was frowning in utter confusion, "What is this about coins?"

Morgana shrugged and together they began to ponder. Their thoughts caused their legs to carry them back and forth along the shore line. Freya watched the two of them with amusement. If she couldn't kiss her boyfriend, she may as well enjoy this moment instead.

"What's after him now," Merlin asked, ignoring the prat and the witch.

"That is for you to discover," The Great Dragon smiled.

"Why?"

"Because destiny's a bitch."

Freya tugged at Merlin's shirt and pointed to the siblings, who were still brooding the mysteries of coins, "They're finally getting along. I think she's coming back to the light."

A smile tugged at the warlock's mouth. All his mistakes could be undone. He'd missed Morgana and this was his chance to…

"Kill her!" The Great Dragon ordered.

"What?"

"You're going to kill me?" Morgana cried, "I will never forgive this!"

Pulling a dagger from her belt, she threw it at Arthur, who stood there making no move to defend himself.

"NO!" And with a golden burn of his eyes, Merlin stopped the dagger.

"You have magic?" Morgana gasped.

"Who?" Arthur asked.

"Duh, he is Emerys," Mordred stated as he strolled into view.

"Emerys? Where?" Morgana, her face brightening, began to look for her evasive foe.

"I told you to kill her, but do you listen? Noooooo," The Great Dragon muttered, "Stupid dragonlord."

"You're a dragonlord?" Mordred asked, clearly impressed.

Merlin's patience had already disappeared. He had wanted to escape all of this, just wanting a minute to himself. Doesn't destiny owe him an afternoon alone with Freya, without drama? Keeping this in mind, Merlin shouted, "Go away Mordred!"

And Mordred, not knowing about Merlin's frustrations, took a step back. All he wanted to do was impress Emerys, and he was hurt that it wasn't working. What had he done? It didn't help when The Great Dragon said, "Merlin may or May not like you Mordred. Merlin, kill him too!"

"Wait, wait, wait, wait!" Arthur shouted above the chaos.

Everyone stopped. Morgana's head appeared from behind the bush she hoped Emerys was hiding in. They did as Arthur asked, and waited.

"There is something we have all overlooked. And the answer will explain everything," He stated.

"Who Emerys is?" Morgana asked.

"Why Merlin hates me?" Mordred added.

"Why Killgarah only talks in riddles?"

"Why I can't kiss my boyfriend in peace?"

"Why dragonlords are stuborn?"

"Where are all the coins?"

"What Merlin was doing to that girl in the lake?"

Arthur, with an air of impatience replied, "Yes, yes, all of those questions."

Slowly Arthur turned to Merlin. Everyone held their breath as the King looked his manservant straight in the eyes.

"Who is the girl?"

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"She's Emerys!" And with that Morgana pounced.


	2. Accused

**I'm not as happy with this one. I think it will be a disappointment after the last. So, sorry about that, next one will be better! Hope you smile anyway.**

"So, let me get this straight. The Queen says Merlin poisoned the King, and we're buying that?" Mordred asked the other knights.

Leon nodded, "She's our Queen, why would she lie?"

The young knight found it hard to believe Merlin would betray his destiny, after everything he'd done to protect it. Yet his friends, who had seen Merlin's love and loyalty for Arthur, could believe that he would do this?

"No, no, no, Leon's got this all wrong," Gwaine assured him, "It's not that Merlin's guilty. The Queen is grieving, so we let her have her little comforts."

"Like accusing Merlin?"

"Like accusing Merlin."

Mordred stared in disbelief. Everyone was nodding in agreement while Leon looked quite put-out. It was clear that he didn't like his opinion being discarded.

"So… when do we let Merlin out?" Mordred questioned.

There was a pause, in which none of the knights knew what to say. It was clear that The Queen wouldn't stop grieving until well after Arthur died… but by then it will be too late to save Merlin. But if they let Merlin out, then The Queen would have even more on her plate…

"There's no point in this conversation," Leon stated after a while.

"Why not?" Mordred asked.

"Because it will all work out in the end. There's no point in talking about it, because soon enough it will work itself out. Really we're all getting headaches for nothing."

The knights nodded with his reasoning, and Leon looked happy to be right again. However, Mordred wasn't satisfied, "So you're telling me that you're going to do _nothing_?"

Gwaine shrugged, "Merlin will work it out, he always does. Now who wants a drink at the tavern?"

They left the young knight standing there, gaping after them.

"But he's in jail!"


	3. Ungrateful

**Here it is. I really hope you enjoy this one!**

Merlin could feel the life draining out of him, the wound he'd sustained was quite severe. He would last long without medical treatment. But he was far from Camelot, and no one knew where he was. What was he going to do?

Suddenly a brilliant idea sprung into his head. He threw back his head, the words on his lips when,

"Don't bother Merlin, I'm already here."

Merlin grinned up at The Great Dragon, though he was a little confused.

"How did you know I was going to call you?"

"You went of a quest," was he's reply.

Merlin frowned, glancing which way and that, as if someone was going to explain it to him. But considering he was alone except for the giant lizard, it was kind of pointless.

"I go on quest all the time…"

Kilgharrah nodded, "With Arthur yes. But when you go off on your own you always call me in the end."

"I do not!"

"And always at the last moment. Honestly, you could at least let me join in for the rest of the quest. And would it kill you to ask?" He continued.

Merlin was feeling a bit annoyed at this observation. It's not like Arthur helped all that much, Merlin had powerful magic. He could take care of himself. When a wave of dizziness swept over him, he decided independence wasn't all that important right now.

"I have feelings you know! I tried so hard to be your friend in the beginning. Helping you out and everything…" The Great Dragon was still talking.

"Excuse me…" Merlin tried to interrupt.

"and then you come out and say that you'll never let me free!"

"You almost got my mother killed!" Merlin shouted.

"It's always about you. Blah blah, Arthur, blah blah, help me, blah blah blah blah blah!"

Another, stronger, wave of dizziness and Merlin almost passed out. He tried again, "I'm sort of dying down here, could you maybe help?"

This only set Kilgharrah off again. He ranted and raved about how ungrateful Merlin was and how he was the worst dragonlord ever. It took him an hour to work out Merlin wasn't listening. Another half of one to realise it was because he passed out from blood loss.

"It's a bit extreme Merlin," Kilgharrah said to him after he was healed, "To stab yourself so you don't have to listen to me. And also a bit rude."

To which Merlin just sighed and promised that next time he went on a quest, The Great Dragon could come too. It was a promise he knew he would live to regret.

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_(And he did) _


	4. Bad Joke

**I couldn't get this idea out of my mind, from the very first time I watched the show. And so I thought I'd see what I could do with it in this fic. I liked the result, I hope you enjoy yourself too.**

Merlin was furious. He'd never been madder in his entire life! He was shaking, his magic about to let loose a wave of destruction, it was only his many years of patience that reigned it in.

"What," he began in a threatening voice, "are you talking about?"

The Great Dragon shifted nervously. He was starting to think that this hadn't been a very good idea. Sure, he'd been getting sick of it. The joke had gone on long enough, much longer than he'd intended. And maybe that had been because he'd enjoyed the power he had over the warlock. But over the course of the years he'd forgotten exactly what he'd made Merlin do.

"Ummm…."

"I'm waiting!"

"I… errr… the thing is… I was really bored, when Uther had me chained up and well… I … ummm…"

"Yes?"

"I might have made it up." Kilgharrah finished in a rush.

"Made. What. Up?" Merlin said slowly, advancing on The Great Dragon.

Said dragon took a step back, "Your destiny… There is no such thing as destiny. I made it all up."

Merlin closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He counted to ten. Nope, still furious. Counted to twenty.

Kilgharrah was waiting, feeling more than a bit unsettled at Merlin's stillness. Was he going to cast a painful enchantment on him? Or order him to let Arthur chain him up. Because, to be fair, when he started this joke, Merlin wasn't a dragonlord and did not have this sort of power over him.

Merlin had counted to hundred by now, still feeling absolutely intoxicatingly mad. So he opened his eyes at meet Kilgharrah's golden irises.

"You are so dead."

Kilgharrah gulped.

**So here end The Trials of Merlin's Patience. I hope you've enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you for coming on this journey with me, it's been a blast!**


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